Where is the Love?

Hi, Mr here,

Isn't it nice to have Miss back in the game?

I have had a truly awful time with the 'boyfriend' (I refuse to acknowledge him as an actual boyfriend) this week. First of all I saw him completely naked from head to toe with the lights on for the first time. That wasn't nice. Secondly he is taking this whole mini-break plan very seriously and has actually booked time off work and is putting pressure on me to do the same. There is nothing I would rather do less than spend a large portion of my hard-earned, plus an entire 48 hours of precious holiday time, on my pitiful, desperate, sexless relationship.

He has to go.

I came to this final conclusion this weekend. As I lay awake in bed next to him, curled up foetus-like so my body wasn't touching his, I began to wander 'where did it all go wrong?' Surely this point in a relationship is meant to be the best part. You've been together long enough to not be nervous around them yet not together long enough for anything to be boring. The thought of seeing them again is exciting, the sex is still new and, more importantly, varied and you are completely willing to sacrifice work, friends and sleep just to spend an extra minute with them.

And here I was pretending to be asleep, faking a loud cartoonish snoring noise just so he would stop pawing at me and leave me be.

I realised I hate him.

The next morning I noticed a new addition to his stinking pit of a bathroom; the little dish attached to the shower usually used as a soap-dish? Well that's an ashtray. Yes, he or to give him the benefit of the doubt his cousin, smokes whilst in the shower. Now I love smoking as much as the next man but at which point have you so given up on life that you smoke whilst in the shower?

The final realisation that I totally and utterley disrespect this man came a few minutes ago when I called him whilst on the toilet. Number 1 and number 2.

I thought about doing it this weekend then I remembered how awful it is to be dumped, and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone. So instead I am going to try and be as vile as I possibly can in order to get him to dump me. May as well make a game out of it.