Take a Look at My Boyfriend

Hi, Mr here, again. Personally I think Miss's recent lack of commitment is disgraceful.

So I was taken to a birthday party for one of the boyf's friends last night. As you can imagine I wasn't keen, as most of his friends are like characters from Shameless. There's 'slaggy Caff', a 40-something single mother who has recently hooked up with a local scag-head 20 years her junior. They went halves on a new crack-pipe last week. I wish I was joking. Then there's his mate who drives around in a black jeep like Stu from 'Queer as Folk' except he's not half as cool or charismatic. I don't even think he's gay. It's hard to tell as he only communicates in grunts.

Deciding I didn't much want to spend any time with these people, I camped outside the entire night, smoking. It was cold and wet but it was worth it.

When the adverse weather conditions got too much I decided something had to be done. I figured the best thing to do would be to act like a complete obnoxious moron in the hope that the boyf would be so embarrassed he would have to quickly make his excuses, usher me into a taxi and leave. So I got straight up on the stage and did my best 'teacher at a school disco' dance that I could. Bashing into people, arms and legs flailing, spilling drinks on them and scowling, the whole time keeping one eye on the boyf to test his reactions. It backfired. Instead of giving me looks of disapproval he had a sappy, endeared look on his face. When I retired from the stage the L-word slipped out again (not the Sapphic US TV drama. That didn't slip out) and again I giggled nervously and pretended I hadn't heard it.

I managed to escape to the safety of the smoking area again. I always think the best course of action to avoid awkward situations is to flee. Here I managed to find some nice, normal, drug free people to converse with - 18 year old girls.

I love hanging out with the youngsters. It reminds me of my own youth.... I also particularly like hanging out with teenage girls. They are fascinated by the fact that you are gay and call you their best friend after having known them for 2 minutes. And they love it when you compliment them and ask to feel their boobs. They also are rather fond of dishing out the compliments and saying what a shame it is that you're gay. They also could not believe I was there with the boyf, as in I could do so much better. A bit harsh maybe but you can't blame them - they're young and naive and don't know the necessity of having to settle for what you can get.

And so I ended my night in a student house, drinking blue WKD, safe in the knowledge that I can do better.