Allow us to introduce ourselves

Welcome to the lives of the worst gay man and worst lesbian woman in London. Introducing Mr and Miss.

Two best friends, having lived in London for the past 2 years, and inhabiting Soho for the majority of that time (as well as numerous internet social networks). You would think one of us would have managed to establish a meaningful relationship. Or, failing that, normal casual sex.

But no...

We can't.

Now don't get us wrong. On our day we ar not unattractive people. Fair enough we may not make an effort on a daily basis but when push comes to shove (into the shower) we do scrub up rather well. Nor are we afflicted with the personalities of wet mops. Many people have been known to comment on our outgoing social behaviour and we are, generally, pleased with our ability to create humour. In fact, many people have frequently commented that they wonder why we are still single.

So do we.

There could be numerous reasons for this.

1) We're too outgoing.
2) We spend too much time with our incestuous group of friends.
3) We appear to be in some form of unhealthy relationship with each other.
4) We are really fucking picky.

We probably should have started this earlier - but to recap, here are some examples of things that have gone awry since our time here.

* Miss manages to get a date with a model (after her straight friend- L - pulled her) only to somehow turn her straight for a year and make her run off to LA.
* Mr, in failing to procure the man that he wants, instead indulges in random foreplay with his psycho boyfriend. Said psycho boyfriend (who looked like Bradley Walsh) ends up punching our good friend in the face and pissing on her whilst she's vsiting. She hasn't been back since.
* Miss falls for another ridiculously good looking girl, who fails to mention she has a girlfriend and Miss spends a good year of her life trying to convince said girl to go out with her. She doesn't.
* Mr, in trying to get over a horrific break up manages to sleep with a man with no stomach. You may think this is medically impossible - but you are wrong.
* Miss dates a girl who makes her feel like a paedophile.
* Mr dates a boy that makes him feel like a paedophile.
* Miss gets an opportunity to sleep with aforementioned straight model and doesn't because of the paedophile girl.
* Mr sleeps with a boy that looks like the crazy frog whilst at a reality TV show audition. Neither of them gets the part.
* Miss spends many nights out trying to pull her friend of 13 years, who is too drunk to thankfully remember.
* Mr dates an apparently nice man who turns out to have a distinct hatred of homosexuals and spills class D drugs on him before ordering him into a shower...alone.
* Miss resorts to inappropriately touching up her friends for physical closeness.
* Mr arranges a date via the internet with an old school friend (far out of his league) and realising this practically rapes him.
* Both Mr and Miss try to break up happy relationships and fail abysmally...we are nice people though. Just lonely people.

However, there has been a shift lately. Mr has decided to strike out on his own and explore the world. Miss hasn't realised there's a world outside London and Greece yet.

So, as a way to maintain our adventures, and a sort of social experiment, we have decided to keep a record of our time apart and see whether we can finally form a fully functional relationship. Miss believes that Mr will finally see she has been a complete hinderance to his love life for the past 4 years and Mr believes that a month on his own will render him to come crawling back.

But we are not alone in our adventures. Below are a cast of close characters that help us on our journey. As a brief outline let us inform you that we all met, one way another, through university 4-5 years ago.

L - housemate. Asexual. Female.
J - twin of housemate. Bisexual. Female.
Z - on/ off girlfriend of J and best friend of L. Female. Doesn't know what she is.
P - ex housemate. Straight. Male.
G - new housemate. Straight. Female.
O - housemate of J. Boyfirned of G. Straight. Male.
F - soon to be housemate. Straight (apart from one fateful night). Female. Gimp.

So we begin our blog on the weekend that we decide to travel to the mecca of Gay Britain...Brighton. Our quest revolves around our hope that we can become more tolerant and pull as many different varieties (or even one nice one) of homosexuals as possible. Actually to pull anyone that we remotely fancy may actually break the curse and send the earth spinning towards the sun. Who knows???

Wish us luck.