The Gay in Straight Man's Clothing

Mr here,

So I decided to go on a date wit the nice Geordie fellow. It turned out he was cycling all the way from Newcastle to London (impressive I know) and stopping off in my town for the night. So we decided to meet up so I could 'show him the sights'. Before we met he called to warn me that, as he was obviously travelling ultra-light on his travels, he would be a bit scruffy. 'Cool' I though, he's not going to be a prick.

We met in a pub, got along great, and...AND I actually fancied him. For the first time in 2 years I was on a date with someone I fancied and could not believe it. And even nice, wa sthe fact that he didn't seem to have a cynical bone in his body. He was so happy and sweet and innocent that when he asked me if I wanted to go up to his hotel room for a drink, it really was just for a drink. And a soft one at that. However when we'd gotten into bed, his innocence showed in other ways...

Ok so basically I just don't get how a man can get to the ripe old age of 30 and still not decided if he fancies fannies or cocks. He claimed to be bisexual, yet had never even kissed a bloke (and refused out-right to kiss me). He claimed to have slept with girls before yet acted completely and totally gob-smacked when, well, I think this choice quote sums it all up: "Eee I cannae believe you're sucking me cock like, tha's champion that is pet". He literally gave a running commentary all the way through. And then after he'd cum and I lay there wallowing in self pity at the thought of adding yet another morbidly fascinating though horrifically eccentric notch to my bedpost, he took the matter into his own hands and talked himself through the motions like a kid tying their shoelaces. I very nearly screamed 'Just fucking toss me off already!' Fortunately I didn't, instead just swatting him away like a pesky fly, leaving him to enthusiastically comment on his sexual awakenings.

Feeling a bit that woman off that programme who deflowered that poor 40 year old virgin, I left the hotel the next morning and crept into my bed hoping nobody would notice I had been gone. It wasn't long before I had a text from the Geordie telling me what a great time he'd had and how I made him feel 'elated'.

Elated.

Since then I have had numerous drunken texts from him telling me he can 'still smell [me]' Clearly I have created a monster and it's such a shame because he had an amaaaaazing body.